This college sucks

It has been more than 2 years in this college and I still have no friends. It is highly disheartening and makes me feel very bad about myself. I don't think I am a bad person at all. I have never done anything wrong to anyone. In fact, I have gone above my way to help other more than I help myself. I have helped countless people with their assignments and work. But still I do not see people being my friends.

In spite of telling so many people, nobody remembered my birthday last year. I was waiting in my room but no one came. I walked outside the campus and stayed just outside the building for a while. It was raining at that time. I have, however been to everyone's birthday and did contribute to their cakes also.

This is the case for birthdays. Worse is the case for other things like casual gatherings and after-exam outing for which even after trying to fit in, I have always failed.

I think I am not an interesting person perhaps. I am not worthy of making friends. I have no social skills. I am sick and tired of all of this.

I have several acquaintances but no friends. I am fed up of this now. I am tired and hopeless.

So many things are falling apart. NO!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!

I prayed to god to help me out, I don't know how is he helping me.

Date: 13/10/24 | RRC T-Hub 4th floor

My days at Khan Academy

Even today when I open the browse projects page on Khan Academy, there’s something different that I feel, different from the usual life that I live. It fills my mind with happiness and creativity. Those programs which instill a sense of laughter and belonging helped me extensively in the dark days of my senior years at high school.

I had no one to talk to - no one. No friends at all. There was something which kept me from interacting with them. I used to think, and it was extremely wrong on my part to think so, that they are super busy with managing their lives and if I try to talk to them, then they may not be responsive enough. My speculations used to advance by instances where I used to call some of my friends and they usually didn’t pick up the call. One of my friends even blocked me on WhatsApp as he implicitly said that I was a big distraction to him. I don’t think I sent anything more than a meme to him occasionally.

There was absolutely nothing I could resort to. My family members were extremely busy with their lives and I wasn’t able to have lively conversations with them, no matter how hard I tried. School was extremely terrible and teachers had no sympathy for students who didn’t show-off. Most teachers and the entire system seemed really rude to me.

A few months later, I found something which decreased my utter dejection to some extent. No matter how tired I was, I still had the energy to open Khan Academy. I used to code for hours, read interesting and funny conversations that the beautiful community of Khan Academy kept on having and used to have years ago. If I was lucky, then I got the chance to interact with some of the community members myself. I was much happier for the rest of the day even if I had a single conversation with someone on the website.

That excitement of getting a blue dot on my username on the top left is something which I usually don’t get even after getting the tastiest thing to eat on an empty stomach. Before posting a reply to the message I received, I used to read it at least thrice and then draft a reply.

I found it hard to talk to people as nobody really saw my programs as often as was the case with others. I used to think (and still think) that some of my projects for which I have spent hours coding were better than those with a higher number of votes. Even some of my own programs which got attention were nowhere close to those which I remark as masterpieces of that time.

Regardless of this Khan Academy gave me much moral support which humans around me couldn’t. If I had some happiness in 11th and 12th grade, then that was because of Khan Academy and perhaps nothing else.

Shoutout to @dev21262, @leafkn, @voldemort271 who I considered the best of my friends at KA.

The Haunted Fifth Floor

An hour and a half had elapsed since the new day had began. I was chilling with my friends Hirank and Sanvay in the former's room. I realised and exclaimed, "Hey it's 1:30, I must go and dry my clothes". I really didn't want to but didn't have any other option either. I went to my room, took the cloth pins and headed towards the washing machine area.

There was no one there. No machine was washing clothes. Just silence and two isolated buckets. I opened the machine having my clothes and started putting it inside the bucket. Having done that, I wondered if there are clothes in the other machines.

I opened the one next to mine. It was a front-load. All of a sudden, water equivalent to an entire drum slushed out. In spite of having strange feelings, I took my bucket and went to the fifth floor. There's usually no other place to put my clothes for drying.

The fifth floor of my hostel seems strange to me. It is, however, less strange than the left wing of the third floor which gave eerie feelings when I visited it the first time. The pathways of the ultimate floor are blocked since no one lives in those rooms. It was all dark. Everything but a fan was silent. I went further inside one of the eerie lanes. Switched on a light. Went further. Switched on another light and went further. I kept on going further and further, switching on lights while still being subtly horrified.

Wind was blowing unusually fast from the east. I start to hang my clothes. Now it was much more scary when I felt as if a scary faced man with long nails and green eyes would come.

I finished putting the clips and escaped, turning all the lights off.

Date: 22/01/23 (or 23) | Bakul Nivas